You never really know what peace feels like until you experience war. I don’t mean the type of war that is a physical altercation with troops and guns (although it could apply), but war with your surroundings, your relationships, your family, your job, your faith. Something that sets a full-on attack against you, and you are the unsuspecting target challenged with the decision of how to survive. For me, that was the sudden loss of my almost two-year-old daughter. To receive that phone call at work was like hearing there were bomber planes over top of our city. I was under attack.
And yet…and yet the experience that followed was the most peace-filled season that I have ever walked through. The peace was a comfort in grief. A calming of anger. A clarity of thought. As information came pouring in, I became more and more confused. I had no idea what the next step should look like. What will help? What do I need? No clue. I prayed. I asked others to pray. My husband and I kept faith that God was in control. He had to have a plan in all of this. Before the viewing we were sitting in our car, shaky, fatigued, emotionally drained, and said the most simple prayer we could muster up. “God, give me the strength to get through this.” This is when it almost became bizarre. For hours, we stood beside her little casket, receiving visitor after visitor, and did so with a smile and didn’t shed a single tear. There was even some laughter. The overwhelming Peace He gave us not only took over our human emotions, but it filled the room. We felt good afterwards, and had many tell us there was something different about the atmosphere in the room. Repeatedly I would tell them it was all God, because I couldn’t stand in there on my own strength.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you.
Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
This was six years ago. My feelings of peace has waned at times. It has never been as overwhelming as it was during that season. Honestly, I pray I never have that kind of season ever again, but I do still have difficult seasons. The moon’s cycle is a great example of the peace available through every situation. A good portion of the moon’s cycle has a progressively smaller part of its visible surface illuminated, so that it appears to decrease in size. Just like when I face another difficult season, the situation starts to cover, making it appear that the Peace has decreased in size. But in all actuality it is still fully there…I just have to shine some Light on it.
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace.
Peace is the Holy Spirit promised to us. No matter your situation, your struggle, your demise, peace is there for you and will shine through at the most perfect time.