Growing up, I always found my identity through the things I did, the sports I played, the clubs I belonged to, the friends that I had. I never really thought much about who I really was until adulthood, when most of the activities that I belonged to weren’t available anymore. As a teen, I was active in my church youth group, and participated in leading Bible studies and going on retreats and mission trips, but after leaving for college I slowly realized that I had developed more friendships than I did my relationship with Christ. Don’t get me wrong, my faith grew because of the environment I was a part of, but I didn’t know how to identify myself in Christ until many years later. In fact, I still struggle with finding my identity in Christ instead of the places or seasons I find myself in.
Since I was legally old enough to be employed, I had a job. Even after having children, I identified myself as a “working mom” and never a “stay at home mom.” But when I found myself in an adverse season of losing a child and expecting a new child, God made it clear that my purpose in that season was to be home with my kids. But I just couldn’t identify with that title. For years, I wavered and doubted who I was because I couldn’t see how me being at home gave me any purpose. I didn’t do “stay at home” well. I always found other things to do away from home, other ways to occupy my time. Most of these things were volunteering in any capacity at church or within my kids’ school system. I realized that I felt needed when I chose to fill a role, and I could identify with that. It gave me purpose. This school year was the start of a new season for me. My youngest would be in school all day and I was beyond ready to start looking for employment. But after five years of not being gainfully employed, I was rejected as a qualified candidate in several applications, and started to lose sight of who I was again. I let myself believe lies about who I was instead of the truths that Christ qualified in me. Even after taking employment in ministry, I doubted whether I was adequate for the role.
Through seeking God daily, opening my heart to hear from Him, and hearing Him speak to me through others, I am finding my qualifications that He has given me. I’m feeling purpose again. I can identify myself in Him. God has designed each of us for His purpose and He wants us to seek Him to have it revealed in us and through us. This year, I will grow in choosing His purpose for me. Will you join me?
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,
for those who are called according to his purpose.
And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified,
and those whom he justified he also glorified.